Tuesday, November 8, 2011
90 days sober
I have 90 days sober today. I had also quit smoking for 2 months or so. But I messed up and started smoking again. If you are or were a smoker you know how it goes. You say, " I will just smoke one." Then you buy a pack. I am smoking right now. My ash tray is sitting next to my box of nicotine patches. I am not going to give up quiting. I keep telling myself I will put my patch on as soon as I take a shower. But I keep putting off my shower. My son does not know I started smoking again. So I had better quit before he finds out.
So, I was riding the bus to the gym today. I have been going to the gym everyday since I got a free membership to the ymca. If you take the bus and you are sober, you will become instantly aware of all the addicts and alcoholics in the world. My guess today was at least 15 out of thirty. Amazing. There was a woman on the bus reading out loud a log of her sobriety. It went something like this, Day one appontment at THS, Day 2 UA at THS, CPS apointment, child returned from father with dirty diaper. I thought it was strange that she would want to broadcast this information. Maybe she thought know one knew what,THS,CPS,or UA meant.
Anyway, I got home and started to look up writing jobs and I noticed how many their were that wanted expeienced blog writers. I blogged a few times for writing classes in college. But I used to have anxiety attacks about posting things on them. For some people writng online makes them feel safe. For me I felt that as soon as you posted something you might as well be standing naked in Grand Central. Once you press post you can't take it back. But recently, I used Facebook as a a means to get honest about my inability to get sober. For some crazy reason it worked to help me get sober. I wrote a note that I took down almost immediately. I posted some updates. But then I stopped doing it. And now I started smoking again!!!!!!!!!! I googled blogs about sobriety and I found out there are some.
So, I decided to write my own. It feels al little safer than facebook. I figure if know one knows about it know one will read it. But it may do the two things I need it to.1. I need a place to write that is semi-public.( I am trying to get over writer's anxiety)and 2. I need a place to be honest and feel connected to other human beings so I can keep making progress towards staying sober, being smoke free, and being a good mom.
And I am just crazy enough to give this a try. Hopefully it can't hurt
Suki
So, I was riding the bus to the gym today. I have been going to the gym everyday since I got a free membership to the ymca. If you take the bus and you are sober, you will become instantly aware of all the addicts and alcoholics in the world. My guess today was at least 15 out of thirty. Amazing. There was a woman on the bus reading out loud a log of her sobriety. It went something like this, Day one appontment at THS, Day 2 UA at THS, CPS apointment, child returned from father with dirty diaper. I thought it was strange that she would want to broadcast this information. Maybe she thought know one knew what,THS,CPS,or UA meant.
Anyway, I got home and started to look up writing jobs and I noticed how many their were that wanted expeienced blog writers. I blogged a few times for writing classes in college. But I used to have anxiety attacks about posting things on them. For some people writng online makes them feel safe. For me I felt that as soon as you posted something you might as well be standing naked in Grand Central. Once you press post you can't take it back. But recently, I used Facebook as a a means to get honest about my inability to get sober. For some crazy reason it worked to help me get sober. I wrote a note that I took down almost immediately. I posted some updates. But then I stopped doing it. And now I started smoking again!!!!!!!!!! I googled blogs about sobriety and I found out there are some.
So, I decided to write my own. It feels al little safer than facebook. I figure if know one knows about it know one will read it. But it may do the two things I need it to.1. I need a place to write that is semi-public.( I am trying to get over writer's anxiety)and 2. I need a place to be honest and feel connected to other human beings so I can keep making progress towards staying sober, being smoke free, and being a good mom.
And I am just crazy enough to give this a try. Hopefully it can't hurt
Suki
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